Dear Avalokitesvara
Dear Avalokitesvara
I will meet you on the hill.
You know the one.
The place where your tears will pour from your eyes like rain… creating me
Your Tara.
Dear Morton,
You carry me on the winds of travel
swerving around the scary, curvy hills
that mark the pathway
Home.
Dear Satyre,
Will you be there on that hill with all of your incarnations
Standing by your side?
Will you take your Jolie in your arms once again?
I can feel that moment NOW
even though its existence is shadowy.
Does the fog mean it won't happen?
I AM The Witch of WIndham
and I REMEMBER and awaken the magic of the spell we cast
TOGETHER
on that first day.
There is clover on that hill
it is the bed I lie on waiting for you.
The dappled sunlight shining on my face from the pattern of the canopy of trees.
Dear Mystical Sufi Dancer,
I saw you
I SAW YOU
I see you NOW
Dancing in traffic on 5th ave the last time I walked you to work.
Dear Beloved
Dear Twin Flame
Dear Keeper of knowledge
You promised me 100 years!
Where did they go?
are those “not yet moments" where you are now?
When will you give them to me?
Probably only when I meet you on that
Hill.
I'd like to go back to that night you fell into my arms and took your last breath.
I swear to you that now I would know what to do.
My swearing has no meaning
what is
IS
and IS has Its own Glory.
Dear Witch of Windham,
Do you have the power of Grandmother Spider?
She waits patiently for your visit.
She knows of your Ayahuasca ride on the back of the crow as you led the murder of 22
making you the 23rd... 2 + 3 = 5… your legacy of craving new experiences.
That ride is the journey into entanglement!
The Spinning
The Weaving
The casting of your most powerful voodoo.
Dear Jolie McSqueekers of The Wide Stance
I usually see you in the 7 sisters, but I thought those girls were not coming out tonight.
oh- there they are- the little darlins.
All coming home in a row from their little card party.
Their glimmer and sparkle illuminating my bed on the
Hill.
***********************************
I was standing in a very small kitchen in a very small apartment in a pre-war building in Bay
Ridge Brooklyn. Its the Summer of 2011. It's gross, hot, sticky, humid, sweaty. I don’t know if
you’ve ever been to Brooklyn in the Summer, but it's a LOT like my hometown of Muscle Shoals
Alabama or even worse- Memphis in the Summer. It's even hotter in the kitchen because the
oven is 400 degrees and there’s no ventilation or air conditioning so all of the smoke and grease
blows back on me.
In the living room is the Love of my life watching TV. Rev. Glen Morton Ganaway aka your
favorite anarchist preacher, and my dream man. 6’2” long lanky yoga body, sandy blonde hair
balding on top, those sparkling green eyes with the cute little professor glasses over them, and
that huge, intelligent, sweet goofy smile of his- with his one cracked tooth right in front. My
perfect man.
He’s the political junkie and I’m not. I’m the artist and cook and I love to cook. He loves to eat
my cooking- so that’s terrific! Tonight I’m making one of his favorite meals- roasted chicken with
a Garam Masala coating on the skin, fantasy cornbread (he calls it) with bacon on the bottom of
the pan and melted cheddar cheese on top. And of course mashed potatoes and gravy with
black eyed peas and collard greens… because we’re Southern.
I hear him call from the other room for me to come in and watch TV with him. I don’t want to
because I'm gross, greasy and busy making dinner. Then he says that it's really important
because the NY State legislature is about to vote on the marriage Equality bill.
Marriage- I hadn’t thought much about it. It was impossible for me anyway. It would never get
passed, so I didn’t spend much time thinking about it.
Then I hear him say- “Hurry they’re voting”.... So OK! I pull off that nasty apron and go into the
living room to watch the vote. Lo and Behold- they passed it! Hallelujah- what an historic
moment!
At that moment- Glen dropped to his knees and said “Will you marry me”?
And in a flash- I realized what I had wanted all these years- a home. I never had a home before.
Not with my birth family or any other man I had been with, but with Glen I had a home. He was
my husband. So… I said YES!
He jumped up and held me in his arms telling me he loved me and holding me close… and all of
these marriage fantasies that I didn't even know I had, came flooding into my mind! I looked at
him and said that I knew where I wanted to get married… the NYC Halloween Parade! He
looked a bit shocked, but said YES! We all said yes!
3 months later, my Cinderella storybook wedding unfolded. We rented a horse and carriage and
dressed up to the 9’s. With me in my Maryilyn Monroe inspired glory and he dressed as his
totem animal The Raven. We were The Divine Masculine and The Divine Feminine riding in that
carriage with a couple thousand or more people (including Vermont’s very own Bread and
Puppet Theater) waving the “Royal Wave” with our hands and saying “Thanks for coming to our
wedding”. It was so fabulous and fun! The greatest day of my life.
What I thought was impossible- HAPPENED! And what I never thought I wanted, turned out to
be the only thing I ever wanted.
****************************************************************
Biscuits:
I wake to the enthusiastic
Biscuit Making
of my beloved Satyre Cat.
My Satyre boy is a precise alarm clock
Never missing a day
Never missing a beat
Never missing the opportunity for more chicken nibbles in a can.
I am grateful for the still quiet gentleness of the morning.
Making coffee
Watching the Transgender Sky
Come alive over the mountain.
Every morning I thank Gloryland
And begin to discover new blocks to the awareness of Love’s Presence-
And release them.
By seeing, feeling, allowing whatever IS to be there.
Fog rises from my yard obscuring the mountains in my view.
A cousin to Luck (N.Carolina)
where Joy and Pain reside together.
Steam rises from my coffee inviting a closer look into my
Innermost revelations.
Do I want to look-or-
let the steam obscure what wants to be revealed?
I relish the variety of choices
I enjoy
Laid out before me
Every Morning!
******************************
Contemplation Day 264:
Dear Stillness
You are my Mighty Companion.
You reveal YourSelf from the depths of Beingness to tell me
“Slow down.
Pause.
Take a breath.
Into the 3rd eye
The Blue Dot
That activates the Knowledge of True Self.”
Dear Stillness
You are my Mighty Companion.
Your arms that hold me are the velvet blackness of the night sky
Your Voice is the quiet of the late summer morning.
YOU are always there.
You carry it all.
You carry all of Time
All the Time.
There is nothing that exists that doesn’t start with you…
The Expansiveness
from which it all began.
How many centuries of darkness passed before it occurred to YOU
To utter the Word that began everything that ever was or will be in form?
YOU are the birthplace of all creation.
YOU are where the Cosmos and the heart connect.
My Beloved Stillness.
I love you with all there is to love, to feel, and to remember.
Dear Stillness,
You are my Mighty Companion.
My big strong Husband that sweeps me off my feet.
More intimate than my own breath.
How could this be?
Dear Stillness,
You are my Mighty Companion.
Explaining eternity to me
Showing eternity to me.
Through the eyes of your offspring
Both human and non
Both alive and passed
I sense The Knowledge of the Universe being right before my very eyes.
The Knowledge of the Universe laughing, breathing, singing and sighing.
Dear Stillness,
You are my Mighty Companion.
You are The Love that is Life
The Sacred Mystery
Here to guide me home
Where my soul is free.
Blessed Be
***************************
Contemplation Day 267:
Thank you to
I
Who is Always there.
Thank you for singing your song of the heart, no matter what happens.
The song of Life that is heard, felt and deeply listened to.
The Flow of
I
Arising like the dawn -
Always bringing a fresh start.
I
is the Anchor
The Grounding
that steadies this life experience
even during the tornado that sweeps everything up into the chaos.
I
is the Voice of the Middle way-
a balanced path that leads to still waters and restores the soul, leaving the extreme behaviors and fixed views of the “me” behind,
by
letting things be exactly as they are.
by recognizing my Self as It was created-
I
Is the Flow of Love’s journey through this vessel.
The “me” that is wanting to run the show is restless, always searching.
I
Is Confident Reality which is free of pain and loss.
Loss becomes transition, and pain becomes a request to slow down and notice.
Reality is wholly safe.
The Reality of
I
Is creating this experience through this particular vessel
NOW.
What can frighten me, when
I
is always present.
always demonstrating that fear dissolves by
Letting all things be exactly as they are? (ACIM, W-268.1:4-6)
This knowledge is Home
This knowledge is The Center
This Knowledge is The Heart of The One.
Blessed Be
*************************
Contemplation Day 267:
Thank you to
I
Who is Always there.
Thank you for singing your song of the heart, no matter what happens.
The song of Life that is heard, felt and deeply listened to.
The Flow of
I
Arising like the dawn -
Always bringing a fresh start.
I
is the Anchor
The Grounding
that steadies this life experience
even during the tornado that sweeps everything up into the chaos.
I
is the Voice of the Middle way-
a balanced path that leads to still waters and restores the soul, leaving the extreme behaviors and fixed views of the “me” behind,
by
letting things be exactly as they are.
by recognizing my Self as It was created-
I
Is the Flow of Love’s journey through this vessel.
The “me” that is wanting to run the show is restless, always searching.
I
Is Confident Reality which is free of pain and loss.
Loss becomes transition, and pain becomes a request to slow down and notice.
Reality is wholly safe.
The Reality of
I
Is creating this experience through this particular vessel
NOW.
What can frighten me, when
I
is always present.
always demonstrating that fear dissolves by
Letting all things be exactly as they are? (ACIM, W-268.1:4-6)
This knowledge is Home
This knowledge is The Center
This Knowledge is The Heart of The One.
Blessed Be
*********************************
Contemplation Day 268:
As stillness watches the morning light arise,
Breathing occurs that travels up to the center of the forehead.
I
is noticed .
As
I
Is noticed,
Knowledge is activated.
The knowledge of connection to all life as
Wholly Holy.
Satyre cat brings the gift of a dying mouse
The Holy cat playing with the holy mouse.
There is no right or wrong-
Only
What happens.
All of it is Wholly Holy.
Where is the injustice?
In the thinking mind.
The greatest love that can be noticed and shared is the
I
Which is ALL ENCOMPASSING
Which is what all Life is
Which HOLDS EVERYTHING
From the person in the white house I don’t like,
To the dying mouse
And the cat that killed it.
I
Holds it all in Love.
Love is acceptance of everything that happens today and every day.
What if the “me” doesn't like what is happening?
What if the “me” wants to do something about it?
I
points to the breath.
I
Whispers “listen”
I
Guides every move,
I
Responds to Intuition.
I
Tells the listener what is theirs to do, if anything.
LOVE pours out of the mouth like fresh flowing spring water refreshing all.
This “I”
This ALL ENCOMPASSING LOVE
is the sight and sound that is my blessing today. It is the Way that reveals illusions, and looks beyond them. It is the Way to surpass perception and return to truth.
I
through this learning device, already sees a world forgiven, in which everyone reflects the face of Christ, (ACIM, W-269.1:5)
and teaches that nothing exists
except
I
Blessed Be
*****************
Contemplation Day 270:
On the gentle breeze of the morning after the rain
Hearing the
I
In the stillness .
with a heart full of gratitude
which is the Voice of
I
However, this morning the body is in pain and this body mind combo fully feels it.
Alarm bells ringing, Head throbbing. Mind saying
“I have failed somehow.”
Gratitude speaks:
Nothing can separate this mind body experience from
I
Nothing can separate what is called “ me" from the delightful, steadfast connection to All That Is and the beloved community where this connection is demonstrated with each other day after day.
The sangha reflects the
I
Every instant is a choice for connection or separation, but even a choice for separation cannot separate anyone from
I
It's a paradox that makes my heart sing.
The choice at this moment is connection.
Seeing and removing the blocks to the awareness of that connection.
Not so long ago, worry, fret judgement and despair ruled the landscape of the mind.
Trapped in the fearful world of at least 10,000 thoughts that say
“I hurt, I hate this, something has to change now.”
Today the choice is made to look past those thoughts into what Stillness would have this one see and hear, no matter what distractions arise.
To listen to Sacred Mystery in the Voice of the crow
and the Voice of my Mighty Companions.
To be the witness and practitioner of what is true.
The unity of the breeze, the crow and the experience of all of us melting into God’s creation,
Into the heart of the
One.
Creator and creation unified. (ACIM, W-271.1:2-4)
By noticing what the “voice that doesn’t like us” is saying,
writing those lies down so they can be recognized, truly felt, and released,
and staying committed to the Voice that does indeed like us.
We all know that Voice intimately.
We call it
I
Blessed Be
****************************
Silence of the “I”
Before the world began,
A perfect silence held the vast unknown.
From that deep void, all form was ushered in,
Yet stillness never left.
When I step back and simply listen to the "I,"
The inner guide reveals each step to take.
A quiet steadfast clarity beneath the rapid fire of thought.
This peace is present when sitting still,
And remaining when the frenzy begins.
Nothing can touch
The stillness of the One Heart.
Fog may roll across the landscape of mind,
Yet the light of the “I” remains
even as I drive through that cloudy morning with my low beams on.
This soft light is a super power from Our Holy Spirit
To gently illuminate the road through this world of senses.
When a sudden wave of dark disturbance rolls by,
I tell my mind the truth
The stillness of the peace of God is ALL there is.
This immortal peace is me.
No outside force can ever hope to break
The lasting gift that Sacred Mystery has given.
No matter what condition this body-mind finds itself in
Or what earthly tasks are being done.
Through every shifting mood and passing phase,
The eternal
"I"
remains untouched.
My natural state of being throughout Eternity,
The still, peaceful gift of the
“I”
Remains.
****************************
Oneness Is
Oneness Is
and I AM perfectly
a part of it.
How do I see myself as part of the Oneness?
I trust that it is so,
And I experience the evidence all around me:
When I feel a strong sense of compassion for someone
When I state my feelings about something and another person says”I feel the same way”.
When one of you reads your contemplation and it's exactly what my heart is saying.
When I see a play or TV show or sing a song or hear a song that speaks to me.
When I get lost in an amazing piece of artwork
or a poem or a book.
When I feel love for an animal.
Or a tree or flower.
When a hummingbird flies up to my face and hangs in the air staring at me.
When I feel someone’s suffering and long to help them.
When I sing Happy Birthday to someone or feel joyous about their successes.
When I make a call in the middle of the night to my cousin and he comes to the hospital because my husband is dying…
With a cup of coffee in his hand for me.
When from beyond the veil, I sense my husband’s presence.
When my cat brings a mouse into the house between his teeth and looks me in the eye, as if to say
“What are you gonna do about it?”
When I hear the morning sounds of the birds.
When I get mad about something a friend is doing,
Because I care.
When I care about Life.
about you.
about myself..
Evidence that I AM perfectly a part of the ONENESS is everywhere
If I notice.
Blessed Be
**************************
The pull towards despair and suffering contains rich mining opportunities.
There it is again. A habit.
In that pull contains the stickiness of
“I Am Bad” thoughts
So innocently peeping through to say
“hi …don't cha wanna come play your favorite game? We can play it any way you want it with any scenario that suits you because we always get the same payoff….
Feeling bad.
Is that what I want-to feel bad?
This “feeling bad” appears as a memory of a sad moment in the past.
a detailed and deeply sensed/felt/experienced image in my mind. Like a scene from a movie that I am intensely engrossed in.There is a boundary where feelings need to be felt, but can also cross over into suffering If I don’t notice that I am experiencing a re-enactment:
(The last time I walked Glen to work, he started dancing in the street on 5th ave Brooklyn. We were at a red light and he ran out in front of the light in front of the cars and started dancing. There was a young woman in the car he was dancing directly in front of. She pulled out her phone. I imagined her calling the cops. I said “Let’s Go”- the light changed- the woman drove off- Glen was still dancing the dance of a Sufi Mystic).
When I notice what is actually happening, I can make space for it-be fully conscious- smell and feel everything that my body is experiencing in the re-enactment. I can suffer if I choose to, but I can also make the choice to watch the pull toward involvement. Observe without responding. Notice the observing- stop the thought train-without getting involved. I don’t have to play the part of the character who is suffering.
The Watcher
Is Awareness
Awareness is Self
Self is God
The Heart of the One
This is my Lord.
Blessed Be
******************************************
SELF
Self is all
All is Self
Everything I like and everything I don't like are part of
Self
I will not deny any of it
Rather
I will love ALL of it.
As I practice loving myself truly,
I begin to live as the embodiment of the prayer of
Father Keating
And I welcome welcome welcome
The shit out of it!
All of it!
Thrilling and empowering is the pure
Awareness
I experience as inside me.
this Awareness
is the divine power of the universe.
Everything I see, feel, and touch is part of this same single Consciousness.
That’s freaking AMAZING!
Today I dance with joy in the morning!
along with
memories of past mornings of Satyr-infused joy
flooding my mind and heart.
Pain arises
Transfixed on an internal wound.
I see and feel that wound.
I embrace that pain as a deep reminder of the love that is
All Encompassing.
The deepness of the pain doesn’t overwhelm me anymore.
I know it now as an expression of that Love.
Every thought I think, feeling I feel, and word I speak gives me a consistent opportunity
to know
Oneness with Love.
Oneness with you.
Blessed Be
****************
Show me Truth
I
am that truth
Show me “I”
Every cell in this body is activated by Truth by the capital “I”.
All of the functions of the body are set in motion by truth, by the capital “I”.
Truth is that which is eternal.
The little “i” has the awesome privilege of experiencing Truth flow through the veins, blood, functions, experiences, etc of its learning device.
WOW, Think about that !
The vastness of Eternity makes a home in this mind body configuration.
Knowing that as fully as I can, releases me from the bondage of thought.
As ACIM says in workbook lesson 278:
‘ I ask for nothing but the truth. ²I have had many foolish thoughts about myself and my creation, and have brought a dream of fear into my mind. ³Today, I would not dream. ⁴I choose the way to You instead of madness and instead of fear. ⁵For truth is safe, and only love is sure.”
What does “choosing the way to YOU mean”?
Follow intuition.
Release control.
Operate from the power of abundance-not lack.
Trust that a perfect outcome to all things is assured.
Release my brothers and sisters from the judgements I carry about them.
Learn how to regulate the nervous system,
Notice when I am in a re-inactment of the past or a projection into the future.
Notice the deception of “someday I will understand”.... Or “someday I will get there”... or “I’m not as spiritual as that other person”.
Have respect for my own journey and the journeys of everyone.
Take responsibility
for my own individuated personal unique experience of
The Divine
living through this Learning Device.
The adventure that this expression of Light and Love is having though the Yolanda personality, has never happened before and will never happen again.
Look deeply and see NOT the “enlightened self” but the LIGHT OF THE SELF.
Choose to see Truth- the “YOU” in everything internal and external
Celebrate that Truth !
Laugh, Sing, Write Poetry, Make Art
Spread Joy!
Blessed Be
.